I thought going abroad was my chance to start over. But the more time I spend in Ireland, the more I see how starting over shouldn't mean changing who you are. To start over should mean to embrace yourself, not transform into an entirety different person. For some reason, I assumed the Kyrah in Ireland would be immensely different from the Kyrah in New York. I would have a different personality and everyone would love me, right? What made me me was up for grabs and this new environment was in charge of who I’d become.
That storyline I made up before my departure quickly became fiction within my first week of orientation. Orientation was the moment I realized that this new version of myself was NOT going to happen. How could I transform who I was at my core in the snap of a finger? No matter how hard I tried to be different, it felt fake, like forcing on a mask I knew couldn't fit. Laughing at things I didn't find funny, hanging with groups to feel “cool”, socializing every evening just to show face so I wouldn't be forgotten.
Starting over began to feel like an experience I wanted to escape. In other words, I felt myself wanting a do-over of my do-over. I was exhausted from trying to seem cooler than I was to make friends. Yes, it's hard to navigate new friendships as a senior in college, especially in a different country. I already had paved the way at my home university, endlessly biting my fist through the awkwardness and discomfort to finally find the spaces where I belonged. That 4-year process of finding my people was long, but for a good reason.
Good things take time and so does becoming who you are. In my first week abroad, I realized that I was trying to fit 4 years of progress into a single week of orientation. I tried finding ways to change my mannerisms, humor, comfort levels, and personality to find a group of close friends in the span of a week. Of course while writing this I can see how unrealistic that dream was. But in the moment, creating lasting bonds with the people I would spend the next 4 months with felt immensely important.
If you're like me, your personality isn’t meant for everyone, some may think you're an acquired taste. But if being liked was easy, meaningful and faithful friendships wouldn't nearly feel as special. This reality is a hard pill to swallow when in a new country, but it's worth remembering. Everyone isn't going to like you, but you better like you. Dive deeper into what makes you you, and the right people and experiences will find you, trust. Please don't waste this time trying to become a person you don't recognize, instead, hone in on your good qualities and work to make them even stronger!
From student to student, think long and hard on what you want to accomplish by being abroad. It's important to know your why because just as they say on the Bachelorette, “you're here for the wrong reasons”, so don't let that be you. From the day I considered applying to the day I landed, my goal was to prove something. To prove to those who underestimated me that I could do this, that I was capable, that I was special. There's a fine line between proving who you are to yourself or to others, and for me that line often felt blurred. Now that I’m actually abroad, proving my worth to others feels fake, artificial, and surface level. But when I decided that who I was didn't need altering, I began to use this experience to push and challenge myself to live free and open. And before I knew it, I noticed that I wasn't the same person I used to be, but at my core I was still me!
Remember that being abroad doesn't erase who you are, rather it tells you exactly who you are. Choose to dive deep into that feeling, no matter how uncomfortable it may feel. Because at the end of the day, you either allow others to define who you are or become refined into the best version of yourself.
Blog by Kyrah Mullings, Hofstra University