I just returned from my first CIS Abroad sabbatical and following our President & CEO’s sabbatical blog, I too wanted to answer key questions for folks such as “Why do I do this work?,” “What have I learned over the past few years?,” and “How do I want to show up for my friends, family and colleagues?" In my quest to answer those, I kept coming back to one key story that happened during my time away. So in the spirit of answering these critical questions for you, I’d like to tell you a story. Picture it.
Avery (my 6 year old daughter): “Dad, that man needs our help.”
Avery: “Dad….I said, that man needs our help!”
Me: “Avery, I’m sorry honey we can’t help everyone. I have to get our metro tickets.”
Avery: “But dad, look at him, we have to help him!”
I had been traveling in Europe with my kids for two weeks when this interaction occurred, which honestly had become a bit of a common occurrence throughout our trip. Now of course I love that our children were feeling called to help every person they saw on the streets, but I also knew it warranted a bigger conversation with them. When my husband and I told our kids we’d be taking them on their first European adventure during my sabbatical they were elated. They also couldn’t believe that Dad wouldn’t be working during the trip, but I’ll get to that later. Immediately our son began researching European soccer players but stressing no one might serve him his favorite drink of choice - milk. “Do they drink milk in Europe?,” he asked. Our daughter began to practice her french while stressing that she will be made fun of for not speaking it by the time we arrive. “What if they laugh at me?,” she said. They are 10 and 6, respectively, and well below the age of my first trip across the pond at almost 19. What would they love the most? Would they be in awe of everything they saw? Or would they be utterly bored and continuously ask “when we are going home?”
When our President and CEO first put a sabbatical leave plan on the table for all employees, I immediately threw in my full support. Not just because I was ready for a mind break myself but I knew how re-energizing it could be for all of us. Some would say as a leader you should never showcase vulnerability or weakness. These same people might say that as parents one must always put on a good face for our kids, telling them it will all be alright. Don’t get me wrong, there certainly is some truth to this and is part of why leading can be so difficult. While I’ve always believed in our brand (I’ve been here 20 years after all), eventually over time one starts to spend so much time focusing on helping one's team around you (or your kids too) that you forget to take time for yourself.
Almost every day after work I go for a run. Being a leader of a business during a pandemic and now watching us grow post-pandemic, it’s true that exhaustion had set in. So each day, I would run and often I would run farther than the day before. While it’s been fabulous for my 40+ physique over time - I had to own up to the fact that yes I was in fact exhausted. But can I tell that to my team? To my leader? Is it possible to showcase vulnerability when as a leader I had been trained over time to just keep swimming as Dory would say. Just keep swimming…..just keep smiling. It’s then when I realized that I would actually be failing as a leader if I finally didn’t find comfort in vulnerability. It was time. I needed to own my state of mind, share it, and step away and take the time to re-connect to why I’m in this industry. To why I see travel as a change maker for the world. And to why I am one of their leaders in the first place. And to show my kids that Dad could step away from the laptop.
To do all of this, I knew I had to take my kids abroad. I wanted to show them what Dad does when he steps out the front door week after week with his suitcase. Where do I go? What do I do when I get there? What is so inspiring that isn’t already available right in our own backyard? Well first of all we have gators in our backyard. We live in Florida so let’s be real, I'm not going back there to be re-energized.
The journey begins!
As our plane took off for Rome, I was already excited for what they would notice first. Would they be pointing out the architecture, commenting on the language difference, or getting excited by the sight of the first McDonalds that they see in Italy? I fully expected my son to ask everyone to keep talking, enamored by their accents. And I didn’t question the fact that my daughter would point out every beautiful outfit she saw. She’s my style guru after all. But what I failed to prepare for were the things they both were going to see that somehow I stopped noticing years ago.
My daughter wanted a photo with every street performer she saw.
I always walk past them.
My son wanted to know why in Italy there aren’t American restaurants, but in America there are loads of Italian restaurants.
I cringe at the site of an American restaurant in Europe.
My daughter wanted to help out every beggar she experienced.
I no longer notice, questioning their authenticity.
My son was enthralled with the concept of paying for bathrooms, they’re so clean he said!
I have come to refuse to pay, I can hold it until I get back to the hotel.
Here I thought the Colosseum would blow their minds. The cliffs of Santorini would mesmerize them. The lights of the Eiffel Tower would make their own eyes sparkle. Over the past 20 years I’ve been to Europe every year, some years multiple times. I think I’ve seen it all and as their parent I’m the one that should be showing them this new, yet old world. But with each passing day, it was becoming more and more evident that they were showing it to me.
Back at that metro station in Paris, my daughter pushed even harder.
Avery: “Dad, we have to help him now!”
Me: “Fine Avery, where is he?”
She pointed. I then turned and there I saw an old man, he had just gone through the turnstile and his large grocery bag had gotten stuck on the door. He was struggling while the entire world continued to move around him. People were going past him on the left and on the right. Some would try to go through his turnstile, realize he was stuck, and move over to another one. They were me. They were so focused on going from point A to B they were failing to see someone in need. Or quite possibly they were thinking the worst. Did he try to sneak through without paying? I’ve actually noticed this in myself over time. Often someone stops to ask me something on the street and sadly I immediately question it… “What do they want from me?,” “Are they trying to sell me something or distract me while they pickpocket me?” Then they simply ask me for directions and I realize somehow my view of the world has gotten lost over time.
With a 6 year old you have no time to question all the motives or all the scenarios. She simply sees a man in need of help. She may not remember everything about our trip at her young age, but this moment in time might be a memory that sticks with her forever. So we ran over. I pushed his cart and it wouldn’t budge. I watched as my daughter knelt down to push with me and as she said “Dad, let’s push together” and his bag came free. She high-fived me and I looked up to see his heartfelt appreciation on his face and the gleam in his eyes. I then looked down to see him holding his metro card in his hand. He hadn’t skipped or tried to sneak through after all. Had my daughter not been with me my normal racing mind may have not only kept me from seeing him in the first place but ultimately being one of those many passer byers who simply didn’t bat an eye, assuming the worst while focused on getting to my destination. As we walked away I looked at my daughter, “I’m sorry I didn’t listen when you first saw him. I’m very proud of you.”
Rediscovering the World Through My Children’s Eyes
I brought my kids to Europe to show them the world. In the end, they showed me theirs. A world where we don’t go so fast we miss out on what’s right in front of us. A world where we don’t question what the world is coming to these days. How often do you hear that phrase from older parents these days? If we slow down, if we truly look closely at it then while yes there are many struggles in this world (please don’t think I’m negating that fact), the truth is though it has changed and there’s a lot of beauty we often don’t stop to see.
I’m an openly gay man. An openly, married gay man, who 20 years ago went on my first date with my now husband. In 2004 we legally couldn’t have gotten married, couldn’t have adopted kids together. In 2024 we’ve just returned from traveling abroad with our kids. Our kids who share our name and whom we went through customs as a family. To some that seems mundane but to us it made us almost cry. We took photos together at all the famous spots on our journey. At all of those spots people offered to take a photo for us. I wouldn’t have held my husband's hand in 2004 but here we were in 2024 embracing openly as a family of four and smiling for the camera.
In the end my daughter was still nervous to practice her limited French and my son become frustrated time and time again when restaurants didn’t have any milk to serve him. On the final day of our adventure we all lamented on what our favorite parts were of our trip. While the sights we saw were beautiful we all agreed that our most memorable times were the meals we had together. Our son loved to talk to the wait staff. He is just like me - regardless of language barriers, he doesn’t stop talking. Then there was our daughter who loved trying new foods. And well having no technology at the tables brought us closer than we have ever been. (For those parents out there, we took a technology break and it was amazing!).
Our technology-free dinner!
So, “Why do I do this work?,” “What have I learned over the past few years?,” and “How do I want to show up for my friends, family and colleagues?” I do this work because it constantly challenges me to grow and change, it makes me open my mind and my eyes and see things differently on a daily basis. Over the years I’ve learned that travel brings us closer together, but after so long I started to forget how essential it is for even the most seasoned travelers. And how do I want to show up for my friends, family and colleagues? That’s simple. I just want to keep showing up regardless if that’s in an energetic, an inspirational, or even a vulnerable state of mind.
Being exhausted may never fully fade for any of us, it comes with being a leader. Let’s be real, it comes with being a parent. It’s not easy and isn’t meant to be. Your team (or your kids) depend on you to get them through all the challenges that arise, to be present and to be willing to step up when things are good and bad. Through this time away I think I’ve finally found comfort in my vulnerability. It isn’t a weakness, it’s actually an incredible strength that by holding it back was impacting the level of trust that is so vital in an organization.
To all of my colleagues at CIS, thank you for giving me this chance to step away. I’ve returned re-energized and so excited to be back. I’m a proud husband and dad, and taking my kids abroad is something I will always cherish. But another title I hold so dear and couldn’t wait to get back to was - being a leader. And well let’s be real…I was also dying to check my email and clean out my inbox!
My Sabbatical by the numbers:
- 1 business book read: Humor, Seriously: Why Humor is a Secret Weapon in Business and Life, by Jennifer Aaker and Naomi Bagdonas
- 2 kids got their first passport stamps.
- 5 seasons watched of Schitt’s Creek. Ya’ll, so many folks have told me to watch it I just had to - it was amazing.
- 7 countries in total visited.
- 8 days spent alone in a British cottage. (For any The Holiday movie lovers, I rented a small cottage and took time for myself to just be.)
- 9 days in a row of meditation. Ya’ll it ain’t for me, it just isn’t. I did my very best, but I think I’ll stick to running to clear my mind. So no, I didn’t make it to day 10.
- 10 episodes outlined for a future podcast idea
- 25 days off work (I added in some vacation to the beginning)
- 35 years after hosting a French exchange student at my childhood home, we reconnected and our kids met each other in Paris. It was…magical.
Catching up with our French exchange student in Paris.
Top tips for future sabbaticallers:
- Truly disconnect. Your team is amazing and all will be fine. In the end you’ll catch up in no time.
- Don’t feel like you have to fill your hours. I serve on the Board of a small non-profit, I even told them during this time that I wasn’t available. At first I thought about completing some key projects for that “hat” I wear, but then realized the precious time I wanted for myself would’ve just been consumed by something else.
- If you work from home, get away from your office. Had I spent my entire sabbatical at home I fear I would’ve mentally still felt as though I was in that space. It was good to immediately start traveling but then when I did get home to finish the last 2 weeks at home, I wasn’t feeling called to head into my office. I did however do a small renovation to my office which made it fun to come back to!
- For those international educators out there, take time to remember being a study abroad participant. Yes things have changed, and they will keep changing…but one thing that will never change is our love for this industry and why we choose to be here.
And with that…..I’m back ya’ll. Over and out!
Scott Tayloe
Chief Operating Officer, CIS Abroad
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